#13 – DISCLAIMER: This is not a paid endorsement for the Official Tourist Portal of Bulgaria, but it damn well should be.

Bulgarian Feast

I am not being held against my will. I am writing this because I want to. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it… Bulgaria is awesome.

Up until the day I arrived I didn’t know anyone who had ever been to Bulgaria and I certainly didn’t know anyone who was from Bulgaria. Really didn’t know a single thing about the place.

Before I arrived I did the classic “traveling to a country for the first time” checklist. It’s kind of like a standard first-date Facebook stalking. Does she have a dog? How muscular was her last boyfriend? What kind of meals does her mom make around the holidays? Does she look like the type of person who sleeps with her socks on? You know, the normal stuff.

Here’s my verbatim Facebook stalking / Google Search history for Bulgaria:

• What do people eat in Bulgaria?
• Are there any important laws I definitely should NOT break in Bulgaria?
• Do Bulgarians speak English or is sign language required?
• What is the likelihood of me getting murdered in Bulgaria?
• What money do I need in Bulgaria?
• Bulgarian girls (careful Googling this one on your work computer…)
• Where the fuck is Bulgaria?
• Can I get a Bud Light in Bulgaria?
• What do Bulgarians think of somewhat obnoxious, inept, American tourists? (asking for a friend, of course)

All pretty standard questions to ask when arriving in a new place if you ask me. As it turns out, however, the ol’ Google machine can’t tell you everything you need to know about a place. Our first day in Sofia (that’s the capital, Google can tell you that), told me everything I needed to know about Bulgaria and then some. Upon our arrival, we were swept away to an outdoor restaurant in the mountains for a feast to end all feasts. In just one Saturday afternoon Bulgaria had already won my heart. It’s kind of like when you get to know someone a bit better and, they too, think sleeping with socks on is reserved for terrorists.

Here are some things I learned on my first day that the Internet won’t tell you about Bulgaria:

• The put cheese on EVERYTHING. We rolled into this restaurant and there were “salads” already on the table waiting for us. Only I’m not really sure they were salads, I just think they let some ten-year-old get his hands on a cheese grater. My kind of salad.
• Big beers are BACK. I arrived in Bulgaria from Spain where I’m fairly certain they served beers in a shot glass. This is important.
• The people of Bulgaria are incredibly nice. Like above and beyond nice. I’ve been to 10 different countries in the last 3 months and I don’t think I’ve just chatted with as many locals as I have here.
• Strong to very strong nature. I would NOT have thought of Bulgaria as having such an incredible landscape. You can be downtown in Sofia and within 20 minutes be surrounded by legit mountains and waterfalls. Highly underrated.
• Ball busters. The people of Bulgaria can take shit as well as they can dish it. It’s something that makes them feel like immediate friends.

I had absolutely zero expectations for Bulgaria and it very well may be my favorite place I’ve visited so far. But you know me, I’m an “always room for improvement” kind of guy. I can’t just blabber on about how great Bulgaria is without making a few humble suggestions:

• More cheese on stuff. However much cheese you’re using… double it.
• Change from Bulgarians to Bulgos. This one might seem a little pretentious trying to suggest that the oldest country in Europe change what they call their people, but I’ve been using “Bulgos” since I got here and it just feels so right. Take it out for spin, see how you like it.
• Mix in a few construction signs. I’m not saying it needs to be a lot, but I did just trot right on through some hot, wet tar, so maybe just one or two will do the trick.
• Expand the underground cities. Bulgaria has these awesome little underground sidewalks to cross busy intersections. They’ve got supermarkets and pizza shops, but I need these to be tiny villages down there. Parks and night clubs and cheese salad shops, all underground.
• Act less surprised when people say they like your country. People in Bulgaria are shocked when you say how great a time you’re having here. Need a little more confidence. Your country is awesome.

It didn’t take long to grow fond of Bulgaria and it certainly won’t take long to start planning my return trip. To all the Bulgos I’ve met, I’ll be back.