For those of your keeping score at home, you know, all 6 of you (hi mom!), I’ve fallen a bit behind on my “52 Saturdays.” Well, here’s the thing. Even when you’re traveling the world, not every day or every weekend is eventful. Serbia Saturdays were no different.
I spent the entire month of September in Serbia, aside from a long weekend in Montenegro, and I had a hell of a month. I fully intend to give that weekend in Montenegro the love it deserves because the planning of that trip really shows off my stupidity, but as for Serbia, all of my Saturdays were quite similar. The month started with absolutely zero expectations. I’m talking zero. I knew it was in Eastern Europe, sort of… and it ended with a handful of incredible memories.
Limiting Expectations
Managing expectations has been the name of the game to my approach to women since I hit puberty like my sophomore year of college. If you keep expectations as low as humanly possible, there’s nowhere to go but up and nothing to do but pleasantly surprise people. Serbia? Absolute masterclass in tempering expectations. You might hear Serbia and think, “dark and grungy feel, angry, unwelcoming people and grey, tasteless food.”
Wrong.
Serbia has a few things absolutely going on.
Beauties
First of all, let me get up off the couch and comb my hair. Please wait a minute while I put on my nicest suit and tie. Grab your notepads and your tape recorders. Hold on, I’ll even climb up on the table so the people in the back can hear me…
Serbia has the best looking women in all of Europe.
One more time, you say, for everyone who is hard of hearing? No problem.
Serbia has the best looking women in all of Europe.
In 5 months, I visited 10 different countries in Europe and I can now definitively say that I saved the best for last.
(please note… I’m not sure a single Serbian woman, except for the two adorable ladies in the neighborhood bakery, spoke more than 3 words to me in an entire month. But that’s besides the point)
Booze
Aside from the women, the Serbs make a mean potion called Rakia and they push it on you like it’s water.
It’s not water.
It’s distilled fruit and death.
The process of making Rakia is fascinating, but the majority of people make it in their homes, so there’s no real regulation on the strength. It can honestly vary from a tasty after-dinner shooter of plum juice to a bottle of fruity bleach and gasoline.
And yes, it may sound like I’m describing Rakia as a bad thing, but there might not be another nectar on earth that can get a party going quite like Rakia can. To make things even better, there’s also no quicker way to bring together a table of western tourists and a group of proper Serbian hard men, than over a shared bottle of Rakia.
Bars
Last, but certainly not least… the river. More specifically, the activity on the river. In Belgrade, the Danube and Sava rivers come together to separate “new” and “old” town. On one side, you have some incredible, modern restaurants with any type of food and drink you’d ever want. (I’d recommend Toro, but for reasons I can’t discuss publicly, we are no longer welcome back there).
On the other side of the river are the “Splavs.” These are more or less docked party boats that cover the river from end to end with places to party from about noon to 7AM.
A Perfect Fit
I realize what I just described as my summation of Serbia is beautiful women, booze and bars, and that that may not be for everyone. But did I also mention the Chinese place they have in town where you can get the biggest plate of food I’ve ever seen for $3 when you’re hungover and just struck out again…?!
Maybe Serbia isn’t for everyone. It suited me just fine.