(10 minutes of “talking” to this guy, never found out what he was looking at)
I can’t speak a lick of any other language. I maybe know a handful of inappropriate Spanish words I’ve picked up over the years and that’s it, but I really thought I had “Hello” down in Croatian. Was walking around Olde Town Split like my shit don’t stink slingin’ “Hellos” at anyone within ear shot.
You get a hello and you get a hello and you get a hello!
Didn’t matter if you didn’t want one, you were getting one. And I’d get NOTHING in return. An occasional grunt, maybe a head nod, many blank stares, but absolutely no words back. Well, it turns out I wasn’t slingin’ “Hellos” after all, I was slingin’ “Thank yous.” Just greeting everyone in my path with a thank you. Thanks for looking at me, thanks for not robbing me, thanks for having a pretty face. You win some you lose some, I guess.
Outside of my irrational “hello” confidence is has just been a lot of pointing. I wave my hands a lot and point at things I recognize. When that inevitably fails, I try to slow down my English. What’s even worse is that not only do I slow down my English, but I think I start subconsciously mirroring their accent. Of course they can’t understand me. Now I’m just butchering my own language and likely teetering on the edge of a hate crime.
Eventually I pick up on the inflection in their voice, at least recognizing that they’re asking me a question, and nodding my head in submission. I’m sure at this point you see the problem here… I have absolutely no idea what I’m agreeing to.
“Hey, you want to come into this alley with me and get tossed in the back of a van?”
***Nods head yes***
“This is my 16-year-old daughter Greta. Would you like to marry her?”
***Nods head yes***
“Hey, it’s getting kind of late. You want to come back to my place?”
***Nods head no*** (I can’t get out of my own way)
Most recently, my habitual nodding got me dozens of pickles on my caesar salad. It wasn’t getting kidnapped or getting wifed, so I guess we’ll chalk that one up as a win.
Baby steps.