#TB12 – This Saturday was nothing but the perfect microcosm of what it’s like to be a single guy traveling around the world.

Traveling While Single

You’re off traveling the world. It might be a weekend trip with the boys, it might be a year of backpacking, it could be anything, really. But if you’re a single guy / girl with a pulse you’re probably thinking it’s going to be an all-you-can-eat buffet of romantic options.

Here’s the thing… it’s not.

I’ve been single for about 25 years now. If my past has taught me anything it’s that courtship is a grind. You’ve got to battle for every inch, every phone number, every “hey, let’s meet up again.” You need to bring your lunch pail and your hard hat every damn day and prepare yourself for a war of attrition. For the last 25 years I’ve scrapped and I’ve clawed on my home turf with some varying degrees of success.

When you leave home, though, there’s something that happens in your brain that leads you to believe everything is going to be different. That somehow a different time zone, country or continent means a different game.

3 months ago I left that home. 3 months ago I left with the entire world in at my finger tips, literally. Danes and Poles and Germans and Czechs were all ripe for the picking. There was so much promise. So much hope.

As I stand here on the 12th Saturday of this crazy trip around world it has finally hit me. That hope was a bit naive.

The game is still the game.

(it’d be a real disservice if I didn’t put boy Omar in here)

That’s not to say it’s all bad being single on the road. Sure, you see thousands of these “Traveling Couples” on Instagram and probably think that might be nice. Someone to talk to, someone to eat dinner with, someone to take cute pictures of your butt, but what those couples have in companionship they severely lack in social discomfort.

Do they have the thrill of trying to fumble through an explanation of where New Hampshire is in Spanish after 4-6 gin and tonics? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

While I’m far from having mastered this foreign approach to being single there are certain things I’ve picked up along my travels. I wouldn’t necessarily call them tips, but rather observations about my flailing courtships.

Fall fast – You see, I’m a guy who falls in love quickly. 7, maybe 8 times a day. I don’t do it on purpose. It just happens that way. That Spanish waitress who brought me my croquettes without as much as speaking a word? Love her. The bar maid who left her hand on mine for an extra second when taking way too much of my money? Yup, we’re meant to be. That woman who smiled at me (or one of the 6 guys standing behind me) at the bar that one time? Pretty sure I just put a ring on her finger. That stripper who… Okay, that’s where I draw the line. Only suckers fall in love with strippers.

When you’re traveling around the world, though, you sort of, kind of have to. You can’t exactly get to know someone when you’re moving every 28ish days. Fortunately for me, I have yet to miss a moving period, so it is with great pleasure I am here to announce that I am still not pregnant.

Service people – Plain and simple, service people are not into you. You come across a lot of people in the hospitality business when you’re traveling. Whether it’s a waitress or a tour guide or a bartender or a hotel receptionist, 98% of the time they are just doing their job and are NOT into you. But what if it’s that 2%…? Well, you best believe I’m going to keep swinging.

Exchange information – I’m very bad at this. I mean, very bad at this. I started out this year thinking that by some miracle of pure coincidence and fate I would just happen to run into the beautiful girl I shouted at for 4 minutes at the bar while Despacito blared over the loudspeakers for the 600th time without ever exchanging some form of contact information.

My phone number changes every month with my local SIM, so when I realized fate was just a crock of shit I started giving away my home mailing address (Mom, if you get any love letters from a Croatian girl named Ella can you please just set those aside? Thanks). Recently, I’ve transitioned to straight swapping Instagram handles (friendly reminder that my DMs are open). This has actually kind of worked. Girls love a new follower and I get to make sure they have no brothers, dads, boyfriends or husbands who are going to beat me up.

Language barrier – Don’t let this stop you. Dutch, German, Spanish, Italian, Danish, Croatian, they might not speak English, but everyone can understand body language. Just throw on a big smile. HUGE smile. More teeth, more teeth, bigger! They’re loving it, they’re loving it, they’ve loving it… anddddd they’re gone.

Dating apps – These can be highly entertaining and a great way to get a pulse on a new city, but I’ve found them to be wildly unsuccessful. I like to justify my lack of success here as not translating in 2-dimensions. I’m a 3-dimensional guy. You really need to get me in person to see what you’re working with, so I’ve mostly avoided dating apps, but I will say that there’s not a much better hungover activity on a Sunday afternoon than swiping on Spanish Tinder until your little fingers bleed.

Love lost at home – Just as you chase the game from abroad, you watch some of your old flames from home at a distance. They’re getting engaged, they’re getting married, they’re suddenly batting for the other team and you think “If I was there things would be different.” Again, I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. You’d still be striking out just as often as you are in your new home.

Because as much as we don’t want to admit it, no matter where we go, no matter what we do, the game remains the same.

It’s not easy being single while traveling. Hell, it’s not easy being single, but whether you’re in Boston or Eastern Europe or Uzbekistan the thing that keeps us going is the thrill of the chase. You want what you can’t have, you swing and miss A LOT, but when you do happen land a winner there’s no better feeling in the world.

And that, my friends, is why we keep playing the game.